Party Games

The other night, my wife and I attended an engagement party for some friends of ours. We had been excited to attend, but were a bit apprehensive over what was planned for the evening's festivities. Luckily for us, the hosts of the parties had planned several games to keep the throng entertained. Initially, we played a game similar to the "Newlywed Game" where you were given a sheet of paper about your spouse or significant other and asked to fill in the blanks. Then your partner had to try to guess what you had written. It was pretty tame at best, but it killed about an hour; so, no one complained. Next, some people got wrapped in toilet paper.
Then, we played an extremely fun game which I am going to call, "Christian Girls Get Offended Easily."

This is how you play the game:

1) Everyone is given several strips of paper.
2) On half of the strips you write a random question.
3) On the other half, you write a random answer.
4) Then they mix each type of strip and put them into a hat.
5) Then one person draws a question and reads it, to which a person replies by drawing an answer and reading it.
6) Pass the had clockwise.

So, you get the drift.

As with the majority of the get-togethers that we attend, they are primarily filled with conservative Christians. So, as always, I proceeded to write the most offensive things I could think of on my strips of paper in order to have a chance to form an awkward situation.

It was in the middle of this process that I realized there is a subtle art to phrasing your random questions and answers.

The questions need to be stated in a way that ANY random statement can fulfill them. A good example would be, "What was the last thing the man said to you?" In this instance, any answer will work. "Hotdogs, Man over the starboard bow, two waffles and a hot tamale." Anything you can possibly say will work. Here is a good example of how NOT to phrase a question: "How many times a day do you think of sex?" It has a specific answer, a number, and it is almost impossible to draw something at random to make it work.... or be funny. Someone will certainly draw an answer like, "Cat food" and as we all know, nothing about that is funny in the least.

So, now that I have explained the rules and theories, here are some select pairings from that night.

Q: How would you describe your penis?
A: The Big Bang.

Q: How far would you go on a first date?
A: A balloon full of heroin up my anus.

Q: What is Jesus' dog's name?
A: Bloody Knuckles

Q: Who's your daddy now, sis?
A: Herpes

Now, for your consideration, I leave you with some random answers and questions that you can use for your own game.

Q: What was the last thing the priest said before he let you out of your cage?
Q: I'll take the testicle clamps off in a minute. What do you want the safeword to be?
Q: If you could have one statement on your tombstone, what would it be?

(The answers are where you can really go off the wall and try to embarrass the hell out of someone)

A: The Fake Holocaust (thanks Keith)
A: Ralph Waldo Emmerson's Mistress' Fist
A: Hell, if I knew it was going to be that bad I would have agreed to wait till marriage too.
A: When I say, "The Land Before Time," I'm not referring to the movie. I'm referring to your mother's vagina.
A: You lips aren't the only thing that's red, inflamed, and covered in sores... if you know what I mean.
A: Your mom.
A: You know, I've heard Oxyclean is the only thing that will get blood out of a clown suit.
A: It's not cheating 'cause it's MY dog.
A: 80% of women never file charges.

I hope you enjoyed them. Try pairing them up with the questions above.

If you have some of your own, post them in the comments below.